If you’re wondering if your friend is a true friend, then your friendship is already in jeopardy. Friends are a dime a dozen, but true friends are rare and much more precious. Thankfully, they’re fairly easy to spot.
- 1 How true friends speak to each other
- 2 Act like true friends
- 3 What feelings true friends evoke in you
- 4 Tips
- 5 Warnings
How true friends speak to each other
True friends encourage and support each other.
Real friends make you feel needed. They make you confident and happy. We all need a little positive energy sometimes, and true friends shower us with it. Even when they disagree with us (“that hat looks like you made it out of a dead skunk”), they still support us as best they can (“but it suits you!”). If your friend gives you a sincere compliment, whether it’s about your new outfit or your work ethic, it’s a good sign. Encouragement, even about silly little things, bodes well for both of you. Make sure your friend is your cheerleader. Even if they don’t always have to cheer you on, a good friend should always be your fan and keep their fingers crossed for success. If your friend constantly downplays your achievements or always has to take credit for them (“You got 85 on the exam? Not bad, I got 89”), puts you down, and/or doesn’t believe in your success, then they’re not a true friend – remove this ugly attitude from your life.
True friends listen to you.
Sometimes we just need someone to shut up and listen. True friends know when to keep their mouths shut and their ears open, as long as you do the same for them every once in a while. They make eye contact when you talk to them, remember what you told them, and ask thoughtful questions. Notice which of you is doing most of the talking. In an ideal friendship, both friends should speak about the same amount of time. If you feel like you’re always the one who has to listen to each other’s problems, you’re not getting your fair share of the friendship. If your friend looks around the room, checks their phone whenever you have something to share, or doesn’t even remember you telling them about your law school application, they’re probably a fake friend who is not worthy of your time.
True friends speak openly to each other.
You share embarrassing stories and secrets with real friends—and they do the same with you. They recognize your mood without you having to give them any hints. For example, “Dude, you seem a bit off today” maybe your best friend’s best attempt at showing sympathy, but it’s still a meaningful sign of friendship. He cares about you, dude. When things get tough, true friends don’t beat around the bush; they have a mature, honest conversation with you and get to the point. If you know who to turn to when you are unhappy and want to have a mature conversation with someone, you have strong communication with that person. If you’re comfortable saying things to each other like, “Hey, it really hurt me that you didn’t come to my party the other day,” then you’ve found a friend who’s worth it. If you feel the need to hide things from him or her, don’t want to share secrets or big news with him or her, or feel like the person isn’t opening up to you, then you’re dealing with a not-so-true friendship to do.
True friends are honest.
Honesty is one of the most important cornerstones of a real friendship. If your friend is open and honest with you, that’s a good sign. If he lies to you, no matter about small or big things, you can be sure that you don’t have a real friend in front of you.
True friends stay away from the rumor mill.
If your so-called friend is a big gossip, he’ll be spreading rumors about you too when you’re not around. We all love our gossip from time to time. However, if you feel like your friend is constantly gossiping or gossiping about someone, then there’s a good chance they’ll do the same if you turn your back on them. Here are a few ways you can find out if your friend’s gossip is out of control: If your friend gossips about someone as soon as they leave the room, then your friend is a terrible person. If your friend regularly speaks badly about people who are their best friends, they probably do the same thing about their other true friends. If your friend keeps saying negative things about people who are not around, your friend is not a true friend.
Act like true friends
True friends find time for you.
Life can be crazy and it’s often hard to find time to sleep, work, eat, and socialize. But a true friend always finds some time for you. If he or she can’t find time to meet you or even talk on the phone, why are you friends in the first place? If your friend is good at scheduling phone calls and meetings for lunch or dinner and sticks to their schedules, then you’ve found a good friend. Congratulation! Of course, you also must find time for him or her and act the same way. If your boyfriend never makes time for you, keeps complaining about how “incredibly busy” he or she is, and expects you to fit into his or her schedule, then you have a problem. Especially if the person has time for their partner or other friends. Everyone is busy; but not everyone lets others down.
Good friends try to keep everything 50/50.
In an ideal friendship, both friends put equal effort into the relationship, whether communicating, spending time together, or paying for the next round of drinks. So you shouldn’t do all the giving if your friend is a taker. Often you can see these things coming – movie night is always at your place, you’re always the one who calls, your friend borrows your Simpsons DVD without asking, etc. And when you feel it happening, you must do something about it. True friends give back without even thinking about it. You should both be willing to show affection. Not all of us like to hug others, but we all have our way of expressing affection. Keeping things balanced doesn’t mean you have to spend the same amount of money all the time – relationships aren’t bought and sold. It’s all about feeling respected and valued by a friend, no matter how those things are expressed. Don’t let your friend turn to you for favors or support all the time, but always be busy when you need a helping hand. You should be able to turn to each other every once in a while, ask for help, and offer it.
True friends are true to their word.
A liar is not a friend. If your boyfriend never keeps his word, leaves you somewhere, or forgets the plans you made together, then you’ve failed and not a true friend. We’ve all canceled or changed plans at the last minute, but if your friend never seems to do what they say they’re going to do, they don’t seem to appreciate your time or company. When it comes to a good friend, “one man, one word”. If your friend lets you down more often than not, doesn’t want to make concrete plans, or skips big or important appointments, then he or she is a sucker. Put the person back in the win and cross them out of your diary.
True friends have no other motives to become your friend.
This soul-searching is particularly difficult, but it must be done. Take the time to consider why your boyfriend wants to spend time with you. Chances are you’re just good friends and all the other “benefits” come naturally. But there are some classic reasons why a “fake” friend would commit to you. You usually recognize some of the other red flags when he or she isn’t a true friend. However, keep an eye out for someone who will commit to you because of: Popularity. If Girls Club taught us anything, true friends always stand by us, no matter how popular they or we are. Popularity is a fickle beast, but it should never affect your true friendships. prosperity.
Let’s get this straight – having rich friends is fun. You can do all the things you can’t afford! But if your friends only love you because of your wealth, they’ll be gone before you can spend your last penny. Do you offer them a chance for a ride to work or a quick look at your homework? Do you get anything back for this? It’s summer vacation and suddenly, your neighbor is super friendly. School starts and you never see him again. These so-called “friends” will drop you as soon as they make a new group of friends or a new boyfriend/girlfriend moves to town.
Notice if your friend needs you to boost their self-esteem.
Friends should strengthen each other. But if one needs the other to seem stronger, that’s a bad sign. When someone needs you to boost their ego and get praise constantly, you’re just being taken advantage of.
What feelings true friends evoke in you
True friends make you feel good about yourself.
Your friend doesn’t always have to agree with you, but your friend should make you feel good about yourself. With true friends, time flies, and the world seems to be at your feet. If you emerge from a meeting with your friend feeling empowered and excited or just need to giggle at the fun time you shared, you’ve got the friendship going. If you feel like you’re a worse person every time you say goodbye to your friend, you made a mistake, or you upset your friend, you have a problem. You have a problem if your friend puts you down just to make them feel better. If your friend makes you feel bad with snide remarks about your looks, weight, grades, etc., then…well, you get the idea.
True friends make you feel important.
If your friend doesn’t make you feel important in his or her life, then he or she shouldn’t be important in your life either. While a good friend shouldn’t be a fake, they should always make you feel needed, important, and indispensable. A true friend asks you for advice and listens to you. He or she won’t leave your side as soon as the “cool” kids enter the room. Nobody has time for such stupid games – find someone who appreciates your friendship. Fake or ordinary friends make you feel great as long as you’re just with each other. But once you’re at parties or in public, they don’t recognize you anymore. They reject your advice and suggestions and “forget” you in group planning.
True friends make you happy.
That sounds so simple and obvious, doesn’t it? That’s why it’s so important always to remember this. It’s very simple, your true friends are the ones you’re happy around. If you’re less happy with a friend than alone, you might as well stay alone – that person is sucking the joy out of you! We all go through tough times at times. But if your friend always seems to be in the middle of a personal crisis and you no longer enjoy life because you just have to build up your friend all the time, then you have a problem. You’re a friend, not a pack of tissues. If you no longer look forward to spending time with your friend, you keep him or her away from your other friends or family, or he or she becomes a burden to you, then you are not true friends. In this case, it’s up to you to politely apologize and back off.
Listen to your instincts if you want to make true friends.
If something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t right. Don’t follow the logic of horror movies and ignore your negative feelings. You’ll only burn your fingers that way. If you aren’t happy with your friend, don’t feel supported, loved, or don’t trust him or her, end the friendship. True friends aren’t easy to find, but that doesn’t mean you should put up with someone who treats you like dirt. Take a moment to seriously consider whether you are true friends or whether you just wish you were. Just the fact that you’re asking yourself whether you’re true friends or not shows that there’s a serious problem in your relationship. No friendship is perfect, and there will inevitably be difficulties. But these difficulties should not define your entire friendship.
A true friend accepts you as you are. True friends always stand by you. They support you in difficult situations and are always there for you when you need a strong shoulder. Don’t weigh positive things against negative ones. A true friend should never do things like talk bad about you behind your back, steal something from you, or lie to you no matter how nice they otherwise seem. True friends are always there for you. If someone is truly your friend, he or she won’t get jealous if you hang out with someone else. True friends, don’t talk bad about you behind your back. If they don’t like something, they tell you to your face. A true friend doesn’t exclude you from the rest of their circle of friends; if they ever do something without you, they’ll tell you about it. If your friend constantly puts you in a bad mood, they are not real friends. True friends are honest and would never lie to you. If your friend is constantly talking to others and never to you unless you initiate the conversation yourself, then it’s not a balanced relationship.
Don’t lie to yourself about being friends with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you. You’ll end up hurting yourself by doing this. Don’t try to change a friendship that can’t be changed. If your friend is a bad person who takes advantage of you or treats you badly, then the friendship isn’t worth fixing. Break contact and find new friends. This will only benefit you in the long run. Do not repeatedly and/or rudely question your friendship. Doing so will likely do more harm than good, especially if your friendship is genuine. Don’t lie to your friends. If you lie to others, you are more likely to lie to yourself. Or worse, you will be rejected as a friend if you are dishonest about important things and get caught. When something drastic is going on in your life, be honest with your friends.