Relationships are an important part of every person’s life. From friends to lovers, co-workers to someone you just met, you feel a connection to someone and want to get to know them better. It can be difficult to figure out how best to deepen the relationship without coming across as rushed or overbearing. You can get to know someone better by arousing their interest, opening up to the person, and deepening the relationship.
- 1 to arouse interest
- 2 Interact with your friend
- 3 Deepen the relationship
to arouse interest
Start a conversation.
Conversations are one of the best ways to get to know someone better. Getting someone’s attention through conversation can send signals that you want to get to know the person better. Use different means to start the conversation. You can speak to the person or send them an SMS or email. Start the conversation simply and ask questions that the person can respond to. For example, you can approach the person and say, “Hi Sara, your presentation today was great, especially the graphics. How did you do it?” When you text the person, you could write, “Great talk today Sara! I’d really like to know how you created the graphics. Would you mind telling me more about how you put them together?” Keep it simple and don’t bring up personal topics. Personal topics are more appropriate when you know the person better. It may also confuse some people.
Show yourself from your best side.
People are more likely to get to know you if you seem positive and organized. This shows the person that you respect them and your friendship. Look good without overdoing it. Wear clean clothes, comb your hair, and don’t wear too much makeup or perfume. This shows the person that you are approachable and excited to get to know him or her. Be positive and encouraging. Everyone has a bad day, but nobody wants to be around someone who is always negative. If you’re having a bad day, tell your friend that, and then say something like, “But we’re here now and I’m really glad to put this bad day behind me.”
Everyone likes to be around others who are confident and at peace with themselves. Being positive, polite, friendly, and open with the person you want to meet can attract them to you. Maintain eye contact with the person and use open body language to show interest and friendliness. Smile, lean towards her and tilt your head towards her. Don’t speak negatively about others, as that could scare off the person you want to get to know better. Negative comments lead the person to think, “What is he saying about me when I’m not around?”
Getting to know someone better can take a long time. Gradually increasing interaction with the person shows mutual respect and interest. It also gives you an opportunity to show your honest and whole personality, which can lead to a close friendship.
Interact with your friend
Talk about your mutual interests.
Talk about things that interest the person. Knowing what the other person likes and dislikes can give you a better picture of your friend’s personality. Compliment the person’s interests and engage them in the conversation. This will lead to more conversations and help you get to know the person better. It can also lead to you doing something together that strengthens the relationship with the person. For example, say, “Did you just say you love Vietnamese food? I’ve never heard of it. What dishes do they serve there?” Ask questions about the person’s interests. If you want to get to know the person sitting next to you better, say, “I saw this really nice picture on your desk. Where did you take it?” Mention your interests as part of the conversation. This will help the other person get to know you better and show your interest in engaging in a dialogue with your friend. Use the other person’s interests to appeal to yours. For example, if you’re talking about food, say, “I like trying new food cultures, and I’m not very familiar with Mexican cuisine. Can you tell me a little more about it and what dishes you like?”
Pay attention to the person.
Listen and pay close attention to what your friend says and does to learn about their interests and personality. This shows your interest and gives you a vantage point from which to start the conversation and suggest doing something together. Talk about a mix of serious and lighter topics to get to know each other better. For example, talk about pets as an easier topic. You could say, “What breed of dog do you have or would you like to have?” Start by talking about non-controversial but serious topics so you don’t offend the person. You could say, “Can you believe how witty the presidential campaign got?” Ask questions about what the person has said to show your interest in getting to know them. Make a comment about the person or compliment them. It’s also a great way to keep the conversation going and show your interest in the person. For example, you could say, “How you can catch anything that’s thrown your way is really impressive! How do you manage to do it so gracefully?” Pay attention to the person’s habits. Does your friend always hold the door for others? This shows that he is polite and considerate.
You may be tempted to spend a lot of time with the person you meet and develop an ever-closer friendship with. It’s still important to stay independent. This shows respect for the person and for yourself, and helps you get to know your friend’s personality better. Keep asserting your opinions, which can lead to more meaningful conversations. Show your friend that you are capable of forming an opinion. Meaningful, deep conversations keep your friendship fresh. Don’t make yourself too available. This shows the person that you are not clingy and have other relationships.
Spends time together
One of the best ways to get to know someone better is to do different activities together. This helps you see new aspects of the person’s life or personality and shows your interest in deepening the friendship. Start with something you both enjoy doing. Suggest going to a restaurant together that you both wanted to try. You can also cook together. Adjust your time together based on how well you know each other. For example, don’t go on vacation together if you’ve only known each other for a few months. Instead, take a day trip to do something you both enjoy.
Accept the positive and the negative.
Nobody has a one-dimensional personality. Getting to know each other also means noticing where the positive and negative aspects of the person lie. Playing through these ups and downs can help you get to know the person better and build a strong relationship. Interact as positively as possible. Start conversations with good news or something positive that has happened to you. This will ease the mood and allow you and the person to bring up negative topics that will tell you more about their personality. Be understanding if the person seems to be having a bad day. No one is completely immune to negativity, and seeing how the person handles it can help you get to know them better. If you wish, talk about what is troubling the person and offer to help.
Deepen the relationship
Tell the person about your interests.
There’s nothing wrong with telling a friend that you want to get to know them better or that you have romantic feelings. During a normal conversation, say, “I really enjoy talking to you and I hope we have a chance to grow our friendship in the future.” Emphasize the platonic aspect by saying “our friendship” so you don’t confuse the person. If you have romantic feelings, then be clear about it. Say, “You know, we’ve spent a lot of time together, and my feelings are evolving beyond friendship. I hope you feel the same, but understand if you don’t.” These statements show interest without overwhelming the person with expectations.
If you’ve had a chance to get to know the person more than superficially, share personal information and feelings with them. This shows the other person that you want to get to know them better and helps create a bond of trust between you. Do not share overly personal information or feelings. Adjust what you say based on how well you know the person. Don’t talk about your sex life or ask the person about theirs. This type of information is best shared within a close friendship rather than with someone you want to get to know better. Instead, share information like, “I’m going to have knee surgery soon.” or “My husband has been promoted but now fears we may have to move.”
Invite the person to meetings.
Often your friends have interesting perspectives on someone you want to get to know better. Inviting your friend to activities with other friends can help you figure out how they relate to other people or show other facets of personality. Again, tailor your invitation based on how well you know the person. For example, don’t invite someone to a cocktail night if you’ve just met the person. Instead, invite the person to dinner with friends, where you can all talk and get to know each other better.
Spend more time together.
Spend more time together as you get to know each other better. Meeting regularly or going on vacations together can help you get to know each other better. Makes a regular “date” over a meal or cocktails. This way you can rekindle the conversations or discuss things that happened to everyone. Take day trips or vacations together. Being close to the person during a spa vacation can help you discover who they really are. It’s also okay if you want some alone time while on vacation.